Why did the physics teacher break up with the biology teacher? There was no chemistry.
A. They can’t stand fast food.
Husband: “Oh the weather is lovely today. Shall we go out for a quick jog?“
Wife: “Hahaha, I love the way you pronounce ‘Shall we go out and have a cake’!”
Daddy did you know that girls are smarter than boys?
No, I didn’t know that.
There you go.
Late one night a mugger wearing a mask stopped a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs. “Give me your money,” he demanded. Scandalized, the man replied, “You can’t do this – I’m a US Congressman!” “Oh! In that case,” smiled the robber, “Give me MY money!”
A boy breaks on old vase at a rich uncle‘s house. The uncle gets extremely angry and yells: “Do you even know how old the vase was? It was from the 17th century!” The boy sagged in relief: “Oh, good that it wasn’t new.”
Why does it suck to be a penguin?
Because even when you get angry, you still look cute.
What is white and sits on your TV?
A fly wearing a nightie.
I’ve always thought my neighbors were quite nice people. But then they put a password on their Wi-Fi.
What did the stamp say to the envelope?
–
You stick with me and I will take you places!
Joke of the day 